Dear Sister Randy,
i killed a picture of a priminister by burning in the holy political oil ! how can i reedeem myself ? i feel so bad like it was meant to happen but it was wrong tony blair can be such a **** at time
ps. i am based at the MOUNT DEATH INSANE INSTITUTION FOR SPASTIC BLOW FISH REALTED ILLNESSES' RUN BY ARIAN NIKKAH!
Sorry Had a Fit
Dear Sorry Had a Fit,
Good God! Get a hold of yourself! And I don't mean down between your legs.
"Killing a picture" is not a sin. It's an act of voodoo bordering on violation of the 1st commandment (i.e. Thy shalt have no other Gods before me). I've reduced this to a simple infraction for the simple reason that I myself have a vibrating replica of the devil with which I perform many unsavory acts.
"Drinking the blood of a fish" is also not a sin. It's an act of oceanic-vampirism that can be symbolically interpreted to indicate a craving for the teachings of Christ. Well done. The more fish blood the better.
In summary, you aren't insane and your only major sin here is the commission of massive E-sloth. E-mail is the window wiper to your soul and it appears that you need to change the blades. Clean up your act and redemption will fall like a ripe pear at your feet and maggots of virtue will spill out and crawl away into the rich dirt of life.
Your penance is as follows:
Masturbate nightly (for a period of 1 week) while reciting the Lord's prayer. If you need visual stimulation for this then you are free to use the pin-up poster of myself (Sister Randy) available on my website.
In the name of the Father, the Son and Casper the Friendly Ghost,
Go in Peach,
Amen (not the Xmen),
Sister Randy