Dear Sister Randy,
i killed a picture of a priminister by burning in the holy political oil ! how can i reedeem myself ? i feel so bad like it was meant to happen but it was wrong tony blair can be such a **** at time
ps. i am based at the MOUNT DEATH INSANE INSTITUTION FOR SPASTIC BLOW FISH REALTED ILLNESSES' RUN BY ARIAN NIKKAH!
Sorry Had a Fit
Dear Sorry Had a Fit,
Good God! Get a hold of yourself! And I don't mean down between your legs.
"Killing a picture" is not a sin. It's an act of voodoo bordering on violation of the 1st commandment (i.e. Thy shalt have no other Gods before me). I've reduced this to a simple infraction for the simple reason that I myself have a vibrating replica of the devil with which I perform many unsavory acts.
"Drinking the blood of a fish" is also not a sin. It's an act of oceanic-vampirism that can be symbolically interpreted to indicate a craving for the teachings of Christ. Well done. The more fish blood the better.
In summary, you aren't insane and your only major sin here is the commission of massive E-sloth. E-mail is the window wiper to your soul and it appears that you need to change the blades. Clean up your act and redemption will fall like a ripe pear at your feet and maggots of virtue will spill out and crawl away into the rich dirt of life.
Your penance is as follows:
Masturbate nightly (for a period of 1 week) while reciting the Lord's prayer. If you need visual stimulation for this then you are free to use the pin-up poster of myself (Sister Randy) available on my website.
In the name of the Father, the Son and Casper the Friendly Ghost,
Go in Peach,
Amen (not the Xmen),